A Father’s Legacy: Lessons from Dr. Carol Cunningham on Parenting with Heart
Mar 27, 2025
When Dr. Carol Cunningham speaks about her father, Percy Lee Cunningham, her voice carries a warmth that transcends time. A renowned physician, Ohio’s State Medical Director, and passionate advocate for music education, Carol is a woman whose illustrious career is matched only by the depth of her stories—stories that revolve around the man who shaped her life with unwavering love, presence, and wisdom. In our recent conversation, she shared memories of her father that are not just nostalgic treasures but powerful lessons for fathers today. These lessons, rooted in a strong father-daughter bond, offer heartfelt guidance on how to parent with intention, compassion, and zest—qualities that can inspire any dad to leave a lasting legacy for their children.
This blog post captures the essence of our discussion, weaving Carol’s stories into actionable insights for fathers. Whether you’re raising daughters or sons, her reflections reveal how a father’s influence can empower, teach, and uplift a child, creating a foundation that endures for a lifetime.
The Power of Presence: Showing Up Matters
Carol’s earliest memory of her father is a testament to the power of simply being there. At four years old, she dreamed of a treehouse. Rather than brushing off her childish ambition, Percy sat her down with a large sheet of paper, sketching blueprints together. “We’re drawing all these different pictures and building the treehouse,” she recalls, her tone brimming with affection. When they stepped outside and found no tree big enough to hold it, he didn’t let the moment fade. Instead, he took her hand, drove to a gardening center, and helped her plant a sapling. “When you want to build a treehouse, you have to have a tree first,” he told her, turning a fleeting disappointment into a lesson about planning and patience.
This wasn’t an isolated act. Percy’s presence defined Carol’s childhood—whether he was holding her hand at the 1964 Cleveland Browns championship game or teaching her to paint a house at five. “You held your little girl’s hand so she doesn’t get lost,” she says, noting how he continued this habit even into her adulthood, “always would hold my hand, even if we were in the shopping mall.” That physical and emotional closeness built a bond of trust and security.
Lesson for Fathers: Your presence is a gift that shapes your child’s world. It’s not about having all the answers or the perfect resources—it’s about showing up, engaging in their dreams, and walking alongside them. Those moments of connection, like planting a sapling or holding a hand, become core memories that affirm a child’s worth.
Actionable Tip: Carve out time each week to be fully present with your kids. Join them in their imaginative projects—build a fort, draw a map, or plant something together. Let them feel your support, not just in words, but in your undivided attention.
Empowering Without Limits: Breaking Barriers with Belief
Percy Cunningham never let societal norms dictate what his daughters could achieve. Growing up before the Civil Rights Act, Carol and her sister faced a world of limitations—yet their father saw none. “Whatever we wanted to do, he would make it happen,” she says. When Carol wanted to pursue music, despite her mother’s preference for a flute-playing ballerina, Percy supported her passion for piano and jazz. When she set her sights on medicine—a field dominated by men—he didn’t hesitate to cheer her on. At eight, he taught her to change a car’s oil, instilling self-reliance alongside empowerment.
This belief in limitless potential had a profound impact. “I’m so glad I was close to my father because he set a great example,” Carol reflects. “Women who have really close relationships with their fathers make better choices in their husbands or boyfriends, how employers treat them, etc.” Percy’s encouragement gave her the confidence to navigate life on her terms, free from the constraints of race or gender.
Lesson for Fathers: Empower your children to chase their dreams, no matter the obstacles. Show them that their potential isn’t bound by what others expect—whether it’s a daughter in a “man’s field” or a son exploring the arts. Your belief in them builds the self-esteem they’ll carry into every decision.
Actionable Tip: Encourage your kids to try something unconventional—fix a bike, play an instrument, or explore a career they love. Celebrate their efforts and remind them, as Percy did, “We can change that,” when the world says no.
Teaching Through Experience: Lessons in Patience and Consequences
One of Carol’s favorite stories reveals Percy’s genius as a teacher. A neighborhood boy once rang the doorbell and declared, “I want to learn how to burn down a house.” Rather than scolding him, Percy pulled out a sheet of paper—echoing the treehouse days—and drew a blueprint with matches and gasoline. Step by step, he guided the boy through the consequences: “The house is gone. Where are you going to live?” When the boy suggested a tent, Percy pressed on: “What about winter? What about Christmas? Santa only lands on roofs.” By the end, the child was in tears, pleading, “Let’s not burn the house down. I want to live in my house!”
This hour-long exercise wasn’t about fear—it was about understanding. “It was about planning and learning the consequences of your actions,” Carol explains. Percy’s patience turned a wild idea into a lesson about responsibility and foresight.
Lesson for Fathers: Teach your kids through experience, not just rules. Let them explore their ideas in a safe space, guiding them to see the outcomes for themselves. Patience can transform a teachable moment into a lifelong lesson.
Actionable Tip: Next time your child has a bold or risky idea, don’t shut it down. Sit with them, ask questions—“What happens next? How would that feel?”—and let them reason it out. You’ll foster critical thinking and trust in their ability to learn.
Instilling Compassion: A Servant’s Heart
Percy Cunningham was a “universal dad,” known in the neighborhood for his willingness to help any child. When Carol’s best friend Bob lost his father at 14, Percy stepped in as a father figure. Another time, a Key Bank VP shared how “Mr. C” was the go-to advisor in his youth, a revelation that moved Carol to tears years later. “He contributed to his success,” she says, marveling at her father’s ripple effect.
This compassion wasn’t just for others—it was a value he lived. “If he saw somebody who needed something, he’d take the shirt off his back and give it to them,” Carol recalls. That servant’s heart shaped her own career as a physician, where she insists, “The one thing that AI can’t replace and the one thing that you cannot teach in a classroom is caring and compassion.”
Lesson for Fathers: Model a heart that serves others. Your children learn compassion not from lectures but from watching you care—whether it’s helping a neighbor or comforting them through a tough day. It’s a legacy of kindness they’ll pass on.
Actionable Tip: Involve your kids in small acts of service—shoveling a driveway, making a card for someone sick, or volunteering together. Show them that compassion is strength, and discuss how it feels to lift others up.
Building Resilience: Letting Go of Bitterness
Percy’s life was marked by adversity—poverty in Alabama, racism in the military—yet he never let it define him. When Carol learned how white officers beat Black soldiers like her father if they dressed up in Panama, she was furious. “I cannot believe you’re the most patriotic guy in the world,” she told him. Calmly, he replied, “People will treat you a certain way, but you have control over what you do. They could not stop me from serving my country.” He chose resilience over resentment, a lesson Carol carries forward.
After his passing on December 2, 2004—“the worst day of my life,” she says—she honors him by living fully. “The best way to honor somebody’s life is to live yours to the fullest,” she reflects, a mantra that keeps her zest alive.
Lesson for Fathers: Teach your kids to rise above hardship with positivity. Show them that while the world can be unfair, they can choose how to respond—letting go of bitterness to build a stronger, happier life.
Actionable Tip: Share a story of a challenge you faced and how you moved past it. When your child encounters setbacks, guide them to focus on what they can control, reinforcing, “You’ve got this—let’s find the good in it.”
The Lasting Bond: A Father’s Love Shapes Everything
The heart of Carol’s stories is her unbreakable bond with Percy. “His biggest dream was to be a father,” she says, recalling how he took off work for her birthdays, threw elaborate parties, and remained her closest friend. “Your little girls are your little girls for the rest of your life,” he told her, a sentiment that echoes in her confidence and choices. She credits this closeness for her ability to set high standards in relationships and work: “It reaps so many benefits.”
Even in playful moments—like when she admitted to earning beads at Mardi Gras—Percy smiled, “That’s my girl having a good time,” affirming her without judgment. That love gave her a foundation of self-worth that no one could shake.
Lesson for Fathers: Build a bond of unconditional love with your children, especially your daughters. Tell them you love them, show it through actions, and let them know they’re your priority. This connection will guide their choices and bolster their resilience.
Actionable Tip: Make a habit of affirming your kids daily—“I love you,” “I’m proud of you”—and spend one-on-one time doing what they enjoy. Hold their hand, figuratively and literally, to remind them they’re never alone.
A Zestful Legacy: Living Fully for Those We Love
When I asked Carol for her key to a zestful life, she paused, then answered, “If you have a zest for life, you will be successful—and success isn’t about money. It’s about making a positive difference in this world that will extend beyond your lifetime.” For her, this zest flows from her father’s mission: “Love, put people first, put respect, let bitterness roll over.” It’s why she lives vibrantly—collecting teddy bears like her beloved Maynard, mentoring her eight godchildren, and advocating for music education—honoring Percy every day.
Her diamond advice to her godchildren, and to us all, is simple: “Love conquers all.” It’s the thread that ties her stories together, a call to fathers to lead with heart.
Conclusion: Be the Father Your Child Remembers
Dr. Carol Cunningham’s conversation left me reflecting on my own role as a father to my three kids—Bramley, Ken, and Allegra. I want my daughter to look up to me the way Carol does her father, to carry lessons of empowerment and love into her future. Percy Cunningham’s life shows us that fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, patience, and a heart that kneels to help a child. As Carol says, “The measure of a man is not how tall he stands but how many times he kneels to help a child.”
Fathers, take these lessons to heart. Be present in the small moments. Empower your kids to dream big. Teach them with patience, lead with compassion, and show them resilience. Above all, love them fiercely—because that love will shape not just their lives, but the world they touch. In the words of Percy’s legacy, every day can be Christmas when you’re with the ones you love. Let’s make it so for our children, today and always.