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Battling Your Inner Coward: The Fight Every Dad Must Face

battling inner coward becoming a better dad confident dad courage as a dad dad advice dad leadership skills dad mindset dad self-improvement family leadership fatherhood growth fatherhood tips husband improvement inner coward john lovell overcoming fear personal growth self-discipline for dads strong father warrior poet way Oct 10, 2024

As dads, we face countless battles every day—some of them external, like making sure our kids are taken care of, providing for our families, or handling work pressures. But one of the most critical, often-overlooked battles we face is an internal one: battling our inner coward. It’s the fight that defines who we are as fathers, husbands, and men, and it’s the battle that, if won, can transform not only us but also our families.

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever found yourself avoiding tough decisions? Procrastinating on something important for your self-improvement? Or holding back from taking on challenges because you’re afraid of failure? You’re not alone. This internal resistance, this fear, is what I call the “inner coward.” And if you don’t recognize and defeat it, it can rob you of your potential to be the dad your family needs.

Today, I want to take you on a journey to conquer that inner coward. Inspired by John Lovell’s The Warrior Poet Way, we’ll explore what it means to embrace courage, push through fear, and lead your family with strength and conviction.

The Voice of the Inner Coward

When we talk about the “inner coward,” we’re referring to that insidious voice inside your head that tells you to avoid discomfort, settle for mediocrity, or give into laziness. It’s that voice that convinces you to skip the hard conversations with your wife, hit snooze on the alarm instead of working out, or hold off on taking that big risk because you’re scared to fail.

In today’s world, it’s easy to fall into this trap. Our modern lives are comfortable—too comfortable. We sit behind desks, push buttons, and spend hours on our phones. Physical discomfort is something we shy away from, and as a result, we become mentally weak. When challenges do arise, we’re quick to retreat.

And that’s a problem because, as dads, we’re the ones our families look to for leadership. If we give in to fear and complacency, we’re not showing up as the strong, decisive leaders our families need us to be.

How Your Inner Coward Affects Your Family

Your inner coward doesn’t just hold you back—it holds your family back.

When you avoid difficult conversations with your wife or procrastinate on self-improvement, your kids see it. They watch you closely, and when you fail to rise to the occasion, they internalize that behavior. If we want our kids to be strong, resilient, and ready for life’s challenges, we need to show them what that looks like by being strong and resilient ourselves.

Ask yourself: What kind of example are you setting for your kids? If they see a dad who constantly backs down from challenges, what will they learn? How will that shape their perception of leadership, perseverance, and courage?

The stakes are high. If you let your inner coward win, you’re missing out on the opportunity to be the role model your kids need. You’re missing out on teaching them how to handle adversity and face life’s challenges head-on.

Personal Growth = Family Growth

When we battle our inner coward, we become more disciplined, more confident, and more present. This personal growth doesn’t just benefit us—it ripples through our entire family.

I know this from experience. After spending over a decade in the fire service, I transitioned to the private sector. My life became more comfortable, but that comfort bred complacency. During the lockdowns of 2020, I started to feel useless. I wasn’t working out like I used to, and I was coasting through life. It wasn’t until I decided to make a small change—just 10 minutes of cardio and 10 minutes of strength training a few times a week—that I began to regain my confidence and discipline.

That small step led to more. I started showing up more present for my kids. I wasn’t just there—I was engaged. I was more patient, more confident, and more capable of handling the daily demands of fatherhood.

When you grow personally, your family benefits. You become a better father, a better husband, and a better leader for your home.

Small Bold Actions Make the Difference

So, how do we defeat this inner coward? How do we begin to show up as the leaders our families need?

It starts with acknowledging that the inner coward exists. We all have it, whether we admit it or not. But the key is to recognize when fear and complacency are driving your decisions. Once you’re aware of it, you can start fighting back.

Here are three tactical steps to get you started:

1. Acknowledge Your Inner Coward

The first step is simply recognizing that you might be avoiding something because of fear. Whether it’s a hard conversation with your wife or stepping up at work, be honest with yourself about where your inner coward is holding you back.

2. Take Small Bold Actions

Once you’ve acknowledged it, take action. Start small, but start bold. If it’s a tough conversation you’ve been avoiding, have it. If it’s a workout you’ve been putting off, commit to 10 minutes today. The point is to push yourself out of your comfort zone, even if just a little.

3. Build Discipline and Confidence

With every small victory over your inner coward, you’ll build momentum. That momentum leads to confidence, and that confidence leads to discipline. Over time, this will snowball into the kind of personal growth that transforms not just your life, but your family’s as well.

The Stakes of Letting Your Inner Coward Win

What happens if you don’t fight your inner coward? What happens if you let fear and complacency win?

The picture isn’t pretty. For me, it was the realization that, if I didn’t fight, I would end up coasting through life, stuck in a corporate job, missing the precious, finite time I have with my kids. I realized that I only have 18 seasons with them before they’re out of the house, and I wasn’t willing to let those years slip away because I was too scared to pursue my passions or too lazy to prioritize my family.

If you don’t fight your inner coward, you risk missing out on the life you’ve always wanted for yourself and your family. You risk letting your kids grow up without the strong role model they deserve. And you risk looking back on your life with regret, wondering what could have been if only you’d been brave enough to take action.

The Courage to Lead

Fighting your inner coward is one of the most important battles you’ll ever face as a dad. It’s not easy—trust me, I fight this battle every day. But it’s worth it. Because when you win, you don’t just become a better man—you become the dad your family needs.

So, take a moment today to reflect on where your inner coward is holding you back. Take that first small, bold step. And remember: the courage to lead your family starts with the courage to face yourself.

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