Becoming the Dad Your Kids Need: Jesse Carstairs on Faith, Fatherhood, and Finding Your Tribe
Apr 03, 2025
Hey dads, let’s be real for a minute. You wake up, hustle the kids out the door, grind at work, come home, and crash—only to do it all again tomorrow. Sound familiar? It’s easy to feel like you’re just surviving, not thriving. But what if being a better dad isn’t about doing more—it’s about leading with purpose? That’s the core of what Jesse Carstairs, a coach and mentor from High Value Life, shared in a recent podcast interview. His words hit hard, and they’re a game-changer for any father ready to step up.
Jesse’s not here to sugarcoat things. He’s a dad like you and me—eight- and four-year-old boys at home—figuring it out day by day. But he’s also a guy who’s looked in the mirror, owned his flaws, and built a life rooted in faith, intentional parenting, and real brotherhood. Here’s what he had to say, and how you can put it to work for your family.
The Crisis of Manhood: Why Our Sons Need Us Now
Jesse kicks off with a truth bomb: “Men don’t actually know the concept of being good at being a man because we don’t have fathers who are teaching us how to be a man.” Ouch. He’s right, though—when was the last time society handed you a clear roadmap to manhood? For most of us, it’s been a solo mission, piecing it together through trial and error.
He points out that historically, cultures had rites of passage—think Spartans training boys in the agogi or medieval knights progressing from page to squire to knighthood. These weren’t just cool ceremonies; they were intentional steps to guide boys into men. Today? “We just ship them out into the world,” Jesse says, “and expect it to click.” Spoiler: It doesn’t.
The stakes are high. Without that guidance, our sons might start looking elsewhere—to a random uncle or “little Johnny’s dad”—for a role model. That’s a gut punch. Do you want your kid emulating someone you don’t even respect?
Takeaway for Dads:
You’re the first line of defense. Start thinking about what manhood means to you—responsibility, integrity, strength—and how you’ll pass that on. It doesn’t have to be a grand ritual; it’s about showing up with purpose.
Intentional Parenting: Let Them Fail, Let Them Grow
Jesse’s parenting style might raise eyebrows, but it’s rooted in trust and resilience. He’s let his four-year-old start the car, given his eight-year-old a pocket knife, and taught both to cook their own meals—steak and banana pancakes included. “I’d rather clean up a dozen messes than be his cook,” he laughs.
Why? Because shielding kids from struggle doesn’t build men—it builds dependence. “When we allow them to struggle, they build resilience,” he explains. He’s not reckless—his son couldn’t reach the brake to drive off—but he’s intentional. By giving his boys adult-like responsibilities early, he’s teaching them independence and problem-solving.
He even lets them wrestle with social cues. If his four-year-old smacks a friend, Jesse doesn’t swoop in yelling “Don’t hit!” He lets them figure it out, knowing they’ll learn more from natural consequences than parental lectures. “If parents are always intervening, how do they learn social cues?” he asks.
Takeaway for Dads:
Give your kids room to fail. Let your six-year-old scramble eggs (and clean the mess) or your ten-year-old ride their bike around the block. It’s scary, sure, but neuroscience backs this up—taking calculated risks boosts cognitive development. Trust them, and they’ll trust themselves.
Faith: The Anchor Every Dad Needs
Jesse’s life flipped upside down four years ago when he got baptized in the freezing Truckee River. “It changed me,” he says. A year later, he married his wife, sealing a covenant that transformed his family. “Those are the two greatest decisions I’ve ever made,” he reflects.
Faith isn’t a sideline for Jesse—it’s the foundation. He models his leadership after Jesus: calm, strong, sacrificial. “Jesus was the true example of how we need to live,” he says, pointing to moments like Jesus flipping tables in the temple—controlled strength in action—or carrying the cross, choosing love over power.
You don’t have to be religious to see the appeal. Jesse’s faith gives him clarity and purpose, something every dad craves in a chaotic world. And if you’re on the fence? He was too—until a Bible study group called him out for leading without commitment. That push led him to the river.
Takeaway for Dads:
Explore faith, even if it’s new territory. Start simple—read a chapter of the Bible with your coffee or ask a friend about their journey. It’s not about perfection; it’s about finding an anchor. Jesse’s proof it can change you overnight.
Brotherhood: You Can’t Do This Alone
Being a dad can feel isolating—work, kids, repeat. Jesse gets it, but he’s adamant: “We need that brotherhood.” He’s not talking about your old college drinking buddies who’d drag you backward. He means a tribe of like-minded men who sharpen each other, like “iron sharpens iron” from Proverbs.
His High Value Life community is built on this—men holding each other accountable, pushing each other to lead better. “If one of my buddies is bagging on his wife, I’ll say, ‘Bro, that’s not appropriate,’” he shares. It’s not judgment—it’s growth.
Jesse’s seen the flip side: men stuck in individualistic ruts, missing the camaraderie humans have craved for millennia. Military platoons risk their lives for each other because they’re bonded. Why should fatherhood be any less?
Takeaway for Dads:
Find your tribe. Start small—a coffee meetup with a few dads who share your values. Bring your sons along sometimes; let them see men lifting each other up. It’s not just for you—it’s for them.
Living for Your Family, Not Just Dying For Them
Here’s where Jesse gets raw: “You say you’d die for your family, but are you living for them?” It’s easy to play the hero in your head, but what about the daily grind? “Kids look at their father like a superhero until they realize he’s not,” he warns. When that bubble bursts, they don’t just lose their hero—they lose hope of becoming one.
Are you dating your wife, keeping your word, staying sharp physically and mentally? Or are you coasting, letting “little Johnny’s dad” take your place in your kid’s eyes? “You’re either the fraud or the real-life superhero they want to emulate,” Jesse says. There’s no middle ground.
Takeaway for Dads:
Live like the man you want your kids to become. Hit the gym, plan a date night, follow through on promises. Small steps compound—they’ll see Superman, not Clark Kent hiding behind excuses.
The Diamond Advice: One Lesson to Rule Them All
When asked for his one piece of “diamond advice” for his boys, Jesse doesn’t flinch: “Dive into the Bible. Dive into scripture.” It’s his north star, the guide that’s shaped him into the dad he is today. Whether you’re a believer or not, there’s wisdom there—strength, honor, love—that any father can lean on.
Takeaway for Dads:
Pick up a Bible, even if it’s dusty. Start with the New Testament; watch how Jesus moves through life. It’s a playbook for leading with grit and grace.
Your Next Step
Jesse Carstairs isn’t perfect—he’d be the first to admit it. But he’s a dad who’s looked in the mirror, owned his shortcomings, and built something better. His challenge to you? Do the same. Be the man your kids emulate, not the fraud they outgrow. Root yourself in faith, parent with purpose, find your tribe, and live—really live—for your family.
Ready to dig deeper? Check out Jesse’s community at High Value Life or follow him on Instagram @JesseCarstairs. Your family’s waiting.
WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW HERE: