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From Fatherless to Fearless: Hugh Massie's Lessons for Dads

Apr 10, 2025

By Ryan Fields-Spack

When I sat down with Hugh Massie, founder of DNA Behavior International, for my latest podcast episode, I knew we’d dive deep into his expertise on financial behavior and leadership. But what struck me most was how his personal story—losing his father at age one—shaped his perspective on fatherhood, resilience, and purpose. As someone who lost my own father six years ago, I felt an instant connection. Our conversation wasn’t just about money or business; it was about the heart of being a dad, especially for those of us navigating life’s challenges without that guiding figure.

Hugh’s Story: Growing Up Without a Father

Hugh’s father passed away when he was just a baby, leaving his mother pregnant with his younger brother. “I had a lot of stability in my upbringing,” Hugh shared, crediting his mother’s strength. She ensured he and his brother had every opportunity—education, sports, and a stable home. But stability doesn’t erase absence. It wasn’t until his late teens and twenties that Hugh began to feel the weight of not having a father. “You realize the magnitude of not having a dad there,” he said, reflecting on the void that lingered.

I could relate. Losing my dad left a hole that surfaces in quiet moments—when I’m helping my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter get ready for a daddy-daughter dance or wrestling with decisions I wish I could run by him. For Hugh, the absence shaped him, but he refused to let it define him. “You can’t play victim,” he told me. “Go out and be the victor. Honor your missing parent by making the most of it.” That mindset—of turning pain into purpose—resonated deeply.

The Fatherless Crisis in 2025

We talked about how the world has changed since Hugh was a kid. Today, in 2025, kids face a more complex landscape. Technology, social pressures, and a fight for identity amplify the challenges of growing up without a father. “It’s about a fight for your identity,” Hugh said. “That’s where personal growth comes from—finding your place in the world.” Without a father or mentor, boys especially can drift toward negative influences. Research backs this up: fatherless boys are more likely to face aggression, incarceration, or a lack of direction.

Hugh’s work with Boys Without Fathers (boyswithoutfathers.org) tackles this head-on. He’s passionate about helping young boys find mentors and stability, drawing from his own experience. “I was lucky,” he admitted. “I had a strong mother and went to an all-boys boarding school with clear boundaries.” But not every kid gets that. Hugh’s mission is to fill that gap, and I couldn’t help but admire his commitment. As a dad, I think about my daughter and how I want to be that steady presence for her—someone who shows her what love and respect look like.

A Personal Connection: The Daddy-Daughter Dance

One moment from our talk hit me hard. I shared with Hugh how I took my daughter to her first daddy-daughter dance at our church. She’s almost four, and watching her light up in her dress, twirling on the dance floor, was pure joy. “I’ve never seen more pleasure and happiness on that girl,” I told him. Hugh nodded, understanding the weight of that moment. “For a daughter to have a father who bestows true love on her,” I said, “she’ll know what to look for in a future spouse.”

Hugh’s eyes softened. He has a 14-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, and he admitted fatherhood wasn’t intuitive for him. “I never called anyone dad,” he said. “Having children call you dad is surreal.” That vulnerability struck me. Here’s a man who’s coached CEOs and built a global business, yet he’s still learning what it means to be a father. It reminded me that none of us have it all figured out—we’re all growing, especially when we didn’t have a blueprint.

Stressors for Dads and Leaders

Hugh’s work with CEOs gave us plenty to unpack about the pressures dads face. “One stress comes from always comparing myself to others,” he said. Whether it’s money, success, or status, that comparison trap is real. I’ve felt it myself—scrolling through social media, wondering if I’m doing enough for my family. Hugh’s advice? Measure success by your own journey, not someone else’s highlight reel.

Another stressor is time. “Where should I be putting my time?” Hugh asked, echoing what every dad feels. Balancing work, kids, a spouse, and personal health is a juggling act. I think about coming home after a long day, wanting to be present for my daughter but feeling the weight of emails or bills. Hugh emphasized staying centered. “The energy you bring home cascades through the family,” he said. It’s a reminder to check myself before I walk through the door.

Breaking the Cycle: The Quantum Leap Mindset

Hugh’s “quantum leap mindset” is about making big shifts without reinventing yourself entirely. “Be very aware of what your X factor is,” he urged. “What can you do 10 out of 10 that nobody else can?” For him, it was moving from accounting to human behavior, realizing he could solve financial problems by understanding people. That clarity attracted the right partners at the right time.

I shared my own story of pushing past my introversion. Reaching out to an old colleague for lunch in Monterey led to a podcast with Andoni Kastros, which led to connecting with Hugh. “Those small uncomfortable situations can blossom,” I said. Hugh agreed, noting that podcasts are a way for introverts like us to live beyond ourselves. His advice for dads stuck in a rut? Start small. “Pick something you enjoy,” he said, like his golf Pilates routine that transformed his health and energy. “Do it for 15 minutes a day, and it’ll redirect your life.”

Diamond Advice for the Next Generation

As we wrapped up, I asked Hugh for his “diamond advice”—the one lesson he’d want his kids to carry if they forgot everything else. His answer was simple but profound: “Always have the courage to do the right thing.” Whether it’s owning a mistake or standing firm in tough moments, that principle guides his life and his parenting. It’s a lesson I want to pass to my daughter, too—to face life with integrity, no matter the cost.

My Takeaway: Small Steps, Big Impact

Talking with Hugh felt like a mirror to my own journey. His story of resilience—turning a fatherless childhood into a life of impact—inspired me to keep showing up for my family, even when it’s hard. His practical advice, from tiny habits to owning your unique strengths, gave me tools to break free from the daily grind. As a dad, I’m learning that it’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present, intentional, and brave enough to grow.

For any dad reading this, feeling stuck or overwhelmed, take Hugh’s words to heart: start small, know your worth, and don’t be afraid to leap when the right moment comes. You don’t need a father’s blueprint to build a legacy for your kids—you just need the courage to begin.

To learn more about Hugh Massie and his work, visit dnabehavior.com or boyswithoutfathers.org. Connect with him on LinkedIn or email [email protected].

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