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The 4 Seasons of Fatherhood: How to Lead Your Kids at Every Stage

coaching kids confident kids dad advice dad influence dad leadership father-child relationship fatherhood fatherhood journey parenting parenting challenges parenting phases parenting stages parenting strategies parenting tips parenting wisdom raising great kids raising kids seasons of fatherhood strong families teenage parenting Feb 06, 2025

Fatherhood is a journey that evolves as your child grows. What worked last year may no longer be effective today. If you’ve ever felt like your parenting approach is falling flat, you’re not alone. The truth is, parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all game—your role as a dad changes over time.

Failing to recognize these shifts can cost you the influence you need to guide your child into adulthood. But when you understand the four seasons of fatherhood, you can adapt and lead your kids confidently through each stage of their development.

In this post, we’ll break down the four seasons of fatherhood, inspired by John Rosemond’s Parenting by the Book, and show you exactly how to step into your role at each phase.

Season 1: The Commander (Ages 0-6)

In the early years of your child’s life, your role is that of a Commander—you set the rules, enforce boundaries, and provide structure. At this stage, your child is learning the fundamental concepts of obedience, discipline, and security.

Why This Season Matters

Young children test boundaries instinctively. They aren’t trying to defy you; they’re simply exploring the world and seeing what happens when they push limits. Your job is to provide clear, firm, and consistent discipline so they understand that actions have consequences.

How to Lead in This Season

Establish yourself as the absolute authority in your child’s life.
Be kind but firm—your child doesn’t need a buddy; they need a leader.
Enforce immediate and consistent consequences when boundaries are crossed.
Provide structure and routine to create a sense of security.

🔹 Key takeaway: Your child thrives on boundaries. Set clear rules and be consistent in enforcing them to establish authority and security.

Season 2: The Coach (Ages 6-12)

Once your child moves past early childhood, your role shifts from Commander to Coach. This is where you start teaching, guiding, and explaining instead of just enforcing rules.

Why This Season Matters

During this stage, kids start thinking more independently. They still need structure, but they also need to understand why certain rules exist. This is when self-control and responsibility start to take root.

How to Lead in This Season

Shift from enforcing rules to explaining the reasons behind them.
Give your child more independence while still maintaining boundaries.
Allow natural consequences to help them learn (within safe limits).
Encourage problem-solving and personal responsibility.

🔹 Key takeaway: Kids at this stage need to understand why rules matter. Your goal is to prepare them to make good decisions—not just obey orders.

Season 3: The Counselor (Ages 13-18)

By the teenage years, your role shifts again. You are no longer commanding or coaching—instead, you become a Counselor. At this stage, your relationship is your most powerful tool.

Why This Season Matters

Teenagers naturally seek independence and push back against authority. If you try to control them the way you did when they were younger, you’ll likely create resentment. Instead, focus on maintaining influence through trust and connection.

How to Lead in This Season

Foster open communication—be a safe place for your teen to talk.
Offer guidance instead of strict rules (they need to want your input).
Allow more responsibility while holding them accountable for their choices.
Focus on teaching critical thinking and decision-making skills.

🔹 Key takeaway: Your relationship is your most valuable tool. Influence your teen through trust, respect, and conversation—not control.

Season 4: The Consultant (Ages 18 and Beyond)

Once your child enters adulthood, your role as a father changes once again. You are no longer coaching or counseling; now, you are a Consultant—available for guidance, but only when asked.

Why This Season Matters

At this point, your child is making their own life choices. You can’t force them to listen, but if you’ve built a strong relationship, they’ll still seek your advice. Your goal now is to be a trusted source of wisdom.

How to Lead in This Season

Respect their independence—you are no longer the decision-maker.
Offer advice only when asked (and resist the urge to lecture).
Be a role model—lead by example rather than instruction.
Support them unconditionally while allowing them to learn from their mistakes.

🔹 Key takeaway: Your job now is to be a source of wisdom, not control. Offer guidance when needed, but respect their journey.

Final Thoughts: Embrace the Seasons and Adapt

Fatherhood isn’t about applying the same rules forever—it’s about adapting to your child’s needs as they grow. If you fail to transition between these seasons, you risk losing the influence you need to shape them into strong, confident adults.

So, ask yourself: What season are you in right now? And more importantly, are you leading in the way your child needs?

By recognizing these shifts and adjusting your approach, you’ll build a lasting relationship with your kids—one that will serve them well into adulthood.

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The Ryan Fields-Spack Blog

The 4 Seasons of Fatherhood: How to Lead Your Kids at Every Stage

Season 1: The Commander (Ages 0-6)

Why This Season Matters

How to Lead in This Season

Season 2: The Coach (Ages 6-12)

Why This Season Matters

How to Lead in This Season

Season 3: The Counselor (Ages 13-18)

Why This Season Matters

How to Lead in This Season

Season 4: The Consultant (Ages 18 and Beyond)

Why This Season Matters

How to Lead in This Season

Final Thoughts: Embrace the Seasons and Adapt

Those little stressors in life can really add up

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