Reflections on Fatherhood, Meditation, and Martial Arts: A Conversation with Jeff Patterson
May 01, 2025
As a dad, I’m always on the lookout for ways to level up—not just for myself, but for my wife, my kids, and the legacy I want to leave behind. Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with Jeff Patterson, the founder of The Yielding Warrior, for an incredible podcast episode. Jeff is a martial arts expert, a meditation teacher, and a father who’s passionate about helping others connect with their true selves. Our conversation dove deep into the challenges of modern fatherhood, the transformative power of meditation, and the life lessons martial arts can impart to our kids. Here’s my take on the key insights from our discussion, written with fellow dads in mind—those of us striving to be better husbands, fathers, and men in 2025.
The Unique Challenges of Fatherhood in 2025
Jeff and I kicked off the conversation by reflecting on the hurdles dads face today that our own fathers didn’t. One word kept coming up: screens. The digital age has changed the game. When we were kids, we were outside, climbing trees, scraping knees, and learning who we were through play and connection with the world around us. Today, our kids are bombarded with smartphones, social media, and endless streaming platforms. Jeff put it perfectly: “Kids want to spend a good majority of their time in front of a screen… it’s so addicting.”
This hits home for me. I see how easy it is for my kids to get sucked into their devices, and it’s a constant battle to pull them back to real life. Jeff shared how he enforces strict no-phone rules at the dinner table and during family outings, a practice I’ve started adopting. It’s not just about limiting screen time; it’s about teaching our kids to stay connected to themselves and the people around them. As dads, we’re tasked with guiding our kids through a world that’s more distracting than ever, and that starts with setting boundaries and modeling presence.
Martial Arts: Building Warriors and Poets
Jeff’s background in martial arts is inspiring. He started with Western boxing as a teenager and later discovered the meditative arts through a coach who suggested Tai Chi and meditation to improve his fighting. That advice changed his life, leading him to found The Yielding Warrior and teach over 26,000 students over the past 30 years. But what really struck me was how he connected martial arts to raising kids.
Jeff believes martial arts is one of the best gifts we can give our children. It’s not just about learning to throw a punch or a kick; it’s about building character. He explained how practices like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which his own kids compete in, teach resilience, accountability, and the value of learning from losses. “When they lose, it’s a lesson, not a failure,” he said. That mindset—treating setbacks as opportunities to grow—is something I want my kids to carry into adulthood.
For dads like me who didn’t grow up with martial arts, Jeff’s advice was practical: start young, but don’t stress about the perfect age. He’s seen kids as young as four thrive in his academy, but the key is finding a program that emphasizes life lessons alongside technique. Martial arts, unlike team sports, puts the spotlight on individual effort, teaching kids to take responsibility for their own growth. Plus, the philosophy woven into the practice—think discipline, respect, and focus—gives it an edge over other activities. As Jeff put it, “There’s a lot more applicable life lessons that you can pick up from doing something like this than playing baseball.”
Meditation: A Tool for Managing Chaos
The heart of our conversation was meditation, and Jeff’s perspective blew me away. As a former firefighter and paramedic, I’ve seen firsthand how staying calm under pressure can make or break a situation. I shared a story from my early days in the fire service, responding to a chaotic crash scene where everyone was frantic—until a calm, composed chief stepped in and took control. That experience taught me the power of presence, and it’s why I’m so drawn to meditation as a tool for managing the chaos of fatherhood.
Jeff broke down meditation into five paths—athletic, therapeutic, medical, philosophical, and spiritual—showing how versatile it is. Whether you’re an athlete looking to sharpen your focus or a dad trying to lower your stress, there’s a meditative practice for you. He also debunked the myth that meditation is about emptying your mind or achieving some mystical state. Instead, it’s about training your mind to recognize when it’s wandering and bringing it back to the present. “If you get distracted 50 times in 20 minutes and bring yourself back each time, that’s 50 repetitions of coming back to balance,” he said. That’s a workout for your mind, and it’s something every dad can benefit from.
For those of us juggling work, kids, and marriage, Jeff’s practical advice was gold. He suggested starting with a simple 10-minute practice: find a comfortable seat, count 50 deep belly breaths, and keep your gaze soft and unfocused while staying aware of surrounding sounds. It’s not about perfection; it’s about consistency. He also introduced the concept of “active practices”—small moments of mindfulness throughout the day, like counting breaths while waiting in line or doing spinal rotations to reset your body. These micro-practices help us stay centered even when life gets hectic.
The Power of Yielding
One of the most profound takeaways from Jeff’s philosophy is the concept of yielding, which he explores in his book, The Yielding Warrior. Yielding isn’t about giving up; it’s about redirecting energy to achieve a better outcome with less resistance. Jeff broke it down into three pillars: physical, mental, and emotional.
- Physical Yielding: In martial arts, this means stepping aside from an opponent’s force instead of meeting it head-on. It’s about using strategy over brute strength.
- Mental Yielding: This is about reading people and situations, picking up on subtle cues, and steering conversations toward positive outcomes. Imagine diffusing an argument with your wife by noticing her frustration early and adjusting your approach.
- Emotional Yielding: This is where meditation shines. By staying present, we can recognize our own emotional triggers—like when our kids are testing our patience—and choose a calmer response instead of snapping.
As a dad, yielding feels like a superpower. How many times have I let a moment of frustration with my kids escalate because I didn’t pause to breathe? Jeff’s approach reminds me that I can choose to step back, acknowledge my emotions, and respond with intention. It’s a game-changer for my relationship with my wife, too. Mental yielding helps me pick up on when she’s stressed and adjust our conversation to keep things loving and productive.
Staying True to Yourself
As we wrapped up, I asked Jeff for his single most important piece of advice for dads looking to level up. His answer was simple yet profound: “Stay true to yourself.” He emphasized that our kids are watching us—not just listening to our words, but observing our actions. If we preach one thing but do another, they’ll notice. But if we live with integrity, showing them through our choices what matters most, we’re giving them a blueprint for a meaningful life.
Jeff’s “diamond advice” for his own kids—his 17-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter—was the same: stay true to themselves. In a world full of distractions and pressures to conform, he wants them to hold fast to their authentic selves. It’s a reminder for us dads to model that authenticity, whether it’s through how we handle stress, treat our spouse, or pursue our own growth.
Why This Matters for Dads
This conversation with Jeff left me fired up. As dads, we’re not just raising kids; we’re shaping the next generation of men and women. The tools Jeff shared—martial arts, meditation, and yielding—aren’t just for monks or fighters; they’re for us. They help us stay calm when the morning routine turns into a circus, connect deeply with our wives when life pulls us in a million directions, and guide our kids toward resilience and self-awareness.
If you’re intrigued, I highly recommend checking out Jeff’s work at theyieldingwarrior.com, where you can explore his online program and grab a copy of The Yielding Warrior on Amazon. Start small: try Jeff’s 10-minute meditation practice, or look into a local martial arts program for your kids (or yourself!). Most importantly, commit to consistency. As Jeff said, if you stick with meditation for a year, you’ll likely make it a lifelong practice—and the benefits for you, your wife, and your kids will be immeasurable.
Here’s to being the kind of dads who don’t just survive the chaos but thrive in it, raising kids who are warriors, poets, and true to themselves.
~ Ryan Fields-Spack
Watch my full podcast with Jeff Here👇🏻👇🏻