Why Roughhousing with Your Kids Builds Confidence, Leadership, and Character
Oct 03, 2024
Why Roughhousing with Your Kids Builds Confidence, Leadership, and Character
Today's world can be daunting when it comes to the task of raising resilient, confident, and courageous children. What if I told you, though, that perhaps one of the most effective means for building those traits is wrapped up in one simple, entertaining activity: roughhousing?
It's so easy to view roughhousing as this chaotic, injury-prone activity that only leads to broken lamps and tears. But it's so much more. John Lovell, of The Warrior Poet Way, once talked about encouraging his kids to make it out like they're in battle-not just because it's fun, but because it's training ground for life. In that same vein, roughhousing with your kids-especially your sons-isn't just playtime. It's a critical tool for development in which they learn to become resilient leaders.
Today, I'm going to dive head-first into why you should be embracing roughhousing with your kids, not avoiding it-and more importantly, how you get your wife on board if she is skeptical. Here are five key reasons why roughhousing is so important to the development of your kids and how you can embed it into your home life.
1. Roughhousing Builds Physical Confidence and Resilience
The most persuasive benefits of roughhousing are that children learn about limits regarding personal physical strength and develop confidence in their talents.
When the kids are able to wrestle, run, and play-combat, they begin to balance aggression with control. They learn about their physical limitations, but more importantly, how to push past perceived limitations in a safe manner. John Lovell discusses this in The Warrior Poet Way: how, with roughhousing, his sons approached it very differently-one was purely an attack of energy, while another was careful in strategy to win.
It's no different in our household. I have two boys, and they always want to wrestle with Dad. In these play battles, I see them strengthening, becoming more coordinated and-most of all-confident. They are learning how to manage their bodies in space, how not to injure themselves when falling, and how to get up again when they do.
This kind of confidence is critical, for it then translates into real life skills. They are not only playing, but also training for other situations that require them to understand their physical boundaries and how to manage risks.
2. Roughhousing Teaches Leadership Skills
The number one concern I hear from dads perhaps involves the fear that roughhousing will make kids too aggressive, or worst of all, out of control. Well, let me tell you a secret: it teaches kids to handle their emotions under pressure and how to lead with effectiveness.
Play-fighting allows kids to work out how to deal with burgeoning emotions-their own and their siblings. It can get competitive, and the temptation for things to spiral is real. However, if you let it sort itself out-once again, under supervision-they will learn important lessons in leadership skills. They'll learn how to de-escalate a situation, set limits, and express themselves without aggression that might lead to conflict.
I have seen this with my boys. They can be tooth and nail at one moment, fighting each other, and after a few rounds, they learn how to team up and work together to take me down. And in that, they are building leadership-learning to lead each other into the battle, so to say.
This is a skill that they will carry on in school, sports, and later on into their careers.
3. Roughhousing Builds Character and Courage
Beyond physical confidence and leadership, roughhousing is a great way to instill a lot of character, even courage into your kids. Sometimes in life, they are going to get knocked down, figuratively and literally. Roughhousing gives them a safe space to experience failure and recovery.
One of the most important life lessons we can teach our kids is how to get up when they go down. That is what roughhousing teaches them every time they hit the mat, take a blow, or lose out in some sort of play battle. They will learn how to handle frustration, pain, and failure in a very controlled environment.
I will never forget this recent water balloon fight that we had in our backyard. It was me and my daughter Allegra versus my two boys, Bromley and Callan. My boys thought out a pretty brilliant plan to take me down. When they lost control of the game, rather than fall apart, they regrouped. They strategized and came back stronger. That's what roughhousing teaches-it builds the grit and resilience kids need to face real challenges later in life.
4. Roughhousing Encourages Emotional Regulation
It is easy to think of roughhousing as simply a physical activity, but it is equally a powerful tool for teaching emotional regulation. While kids roughhouse, often they are working out big emotions: excitement, frustration, victory, loss. And learning to regulate those emotions during play helps apply the same skills in real-world situations.
This is even more important for boys, who sometimes may have an issue with finding a healthy way to express their emotions. Roughhousing gives them a healthy outlet to channel energy and emotions while teaching them at the same time that there are limits.
When the playing gets too intense, it is very important to show him how to pause, take a deep breath, and reset. This will be one of those skills he will carry into every aspect of his life-from school conflicts to future relationships.
5. Roughhousing Prepares Kids to Protect and Serve
In The Warrior Poet Way, Lovell discusses the idea of the duality of being both a warrior and a poet-that is, a man who can fight if need be but also loves deeply. Roughhousing helps instill that balance in children from a young age.
But when you roughhouse with your kids, when you're not just teaching them how to be tough, but you're teaching them to protect other people, too. And they start to realize that strength has nothing to do with dominance; it means becoming guardians for those who can't defend themselves.
In a world that often diminishes masculinity, we need to teach our boys that it is OK to be strong and assertive-but that it is equally important to use that strength wisely. Roughhousing helps them find that balance between strength and compassion.
How to Get Your Wife on Board
I know what you're thinking: How do I get my wife to buy into this?
The perception that many moms have is that roughhousing can lead to injuries or encourage bad behaviors. In reality, it is quite healthy, as long as it's done in a controlled environment. It's all about communicating.
Here are a few tips for getting your wife on board:
• Explain the Benefits: Share the research and evidence about how roughhousing teaches valuable life skills like leadership, confidence, and emotional regulation.
• edits: Set boundaries. Let her know there will be limits, and you'll be there to supervise it, so things don't get out of hand.
• edits: The best way to do this is to start small. Have short, small sessions to help her see how it can be safe and productive. Once she sees the good things that will come out of it, she will then have her heart opened up to try it more.
• Indicate the Bonding: Let her know that roughhousing is also about memories and bonding better with the kids.
Final Thoughts
Roughhousing isn't just about burning off energy. It's about training your kids for life—helping them build physical confidence, leadership, character, and courage. By embracing it instead of avoiding it, you're giving your kids a powerful toolset that will serve them well into adulthood.
So next time your kids want to wrestle or play like they are in battle, don't hold back. Jump in and enjoy the process; you're helping them become the leaders and protectors they were born to be.
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